Let’s Go to Church
Unwise as it might be, friends of ours have invited us to be God parents of their child. Once all of the Brando impressions were finished, we have set about our responsibilities. So for N’s dediction tonight, I trotted off to Word to get a suitably kitsch dedication present. Given that they were fresh out of Prayer of Jabez bibs, I had to settle for a book called “Let’s God to Church”, subtitled “Baby’s First Church Book”.
God loves us very much. He is our friend.
So we visit him at His house. Church is God’s house.
We pray in church. Praying is like talking to God. “I love you” is a prayer God always likes to hear. We can also say, “Thank you, God,” or “Help me, God,” or “God, I’m sorry.”
We listen to God’s words in church, too. He speaks to us through stories from a book called the Bible. In the Bible, God tells us about Himself and how he wants us to live.
We think about God at church - about how wonderful He is and how good He is to us. We think about all He has given us - our family, our friends, our pets, and our homes.
What else do we do at church? We sing! Songs that we sung at church are called “hymns”. God is happy when He hears us sing.
When we leave church, we say, “Bye, God. I’ll visit again soon.”
The book is illustrated with lovely (racially diverse) groups of people wearing their best clothes and sitting reading pulpit bibles in front of stain glass windows. The text includes little questions for tots, including on the very last page (which features a picture of a kid waving goodbye to God as he leaves the church building) a question which reads:
Can you wave goodbye to God?
Never let it be said that we do not take our responsibilities as God parents seriously.
February 28th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
Baby’s Second Church Book.
“God loves us very much. He is our friend.
But if you don’t do everything He and his church tells you, He will squash you like an ant.
So we visit him at his House. Church is God’s House, and God likes it when people give lots of money to care for God’s house and the people who run it.
We pray in church. Praying is like talking to God. You lower your head and close your eyes, otherwise God can’t hear you. ‘I love you’ is a prayer God likes to hear. We can also say ‘thank you God’, or ‘help me God’, or ‘God, I’m sorry’. ‘Geez, the worship leader’s got big tits’ is a prayer God doesn’t like to hear.
We listen to God’s words in church too. He speaks to us from stories from a book called the Bible. In the Bible, God tells us about himself and how he wants us to live. God also tells us about his son Jesus, and how He was punished for the things done by bad people. But don’t tell bad people that, because then they’ll think they can be let off the hook.
We think about God at church - about how wonderful He is - and about how good He is to us. We think about all the good things He has given us - our families, our friends, our pets, our homes, our venomous snakes and our fatal diseases.
What else do we do at church? We sing! Songs that we sing at church are called ‘crap’. God is happy when he hears us sing. God is even happier when we tapdance, juggle or do a one-and-a-half somersault tuck and pike..
When we leave church we say, ‘ooohhhhhhh’ after dropping the fart we’ve held in for 2 hours.
Can you wave goodbye to church?
February 28th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
One of Western Australia’s leading wanker pastors, Mark O’Brien of Warnbro Community Church, believes his staff should be trained like monkeys.
http://www.markobrien.com.au/2006/02/monkey_management.html
February 28th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
I don’t understand your criticism, Lance. The article describes a common management problem, and the described monkey analogy is well known throughout the world of management. It is actually good advice for anyone who has responsibility for other people - don’t let your subordinates dump problems on you, rather solve them jointly whilst always keeping responsibility for the problem with the subordinate. I think this leads to healthier teams with employees developing skills and leading to greater job satisfaction. And that’s a good thing because it keeps productivity up and turnover lower.
February 28th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
But I enjoyed reading your first comment.
February 28th, 2006 at 11:31 pm
Found this article interesting…
http://www.sliceoflaodicea.com/archives/2006/02/rick_warren_tel_1.php#comments
March 1st, 2006 at 8:09 am
Sorry Kieren…but as a subordinate, I find it insulting to be thought of within an organisation as a ‘monkey’.
I think the same point can be made..using a more respectful analogy, and just find it ridiculous that a church leader would use such a reference to his staff; I don’t care how widely used it is in the management world.
It’s not appropriate.
March 1st, 2006 at 8:43 am
Even I would not refer to my own staff as monkeys.
March 1st, 2006 at 9:25 am
My theory is that only monkeys could make head or tail of the jargon in the courses run by the good reverend - Lance’s reference (see further in his blog).
He will be facilitating a course which will:
” Present a broad understanding of the essential nature of God’s love.
> Articulate with insight the unique aspects of the nature of leadership in the post-modern church.
> Display evidence of critical leadership skills for the post-modern context.
> Integrate and critique from experience the dynamics of the established and emerging churches.
> Appreciate the centrality of God’s essential nature in the Christian leadership role.
> Value an appropriate balance of traditional and contemporary approaches to Christian leadership.”
Wow - surely only monkeys could internalise,ingest and ingurgitate an “articulate with insight” or contemplate an “integrate and critique”!!
March 1st, 2006 at 10:53 am
Isn’t the analogy refering to the problems as monkeys, not the employees! I get the feeling you’re just looking for something to critisize…