Men of commerce
In a case of life imitating blog, I have been extremely conscious lately of the fact that I am a woman in a field sometimes dominated by men. Dealing with the male female divide in the workplace is not always easy. It is easy with co-workers and colleagues, provided you are not worried about standing up for your point of view (which I am not). But it is much more delicate when dealing with clients.
My first introduction to this particular conundrum came in my first year of work. I was sitting in on a conference with a client who was preparing for a mediation in a piece of litigation potentially worth several hundred thousand dollars. He wasn’t accustomed to litigation and was worried about how he would handle himself in the mediation. At one point, he said “I almost wish I was a woman so that I could just burst into tears and storm out”. Beat. He turned, looked at me and said “I probably shouldn’t have said that while you were in the room” (my emphasis). There was a long moment while I recalled that this was an important client, I was a junior lawyer and responding to such an outrageous statement was a delicate proposition. With typical aplomb I said absolutely nothing at all in the ensuing uncomfortable silence.
There are those pieces of litigation which has far too many decision makers involved, with the inevitable consequence that it is incredibly difficult to get decisions made. And when you are sitting as the only female in a room full of business men who like to style themselves as Clint Eastwood in Armani, then things can get a little surreal. One gent will say something along the lines of “We’re all men of commerce” and I can’t quite bring myself to leave the phrase totally unremarked - “Yes, we are all commercial people, but…”
Of course I do have the good fortune of working with a great many men who share my amusement at the testosterone laden mood sometimes at odds with the rather dry transactions which the litigation concerns. That still doesn’t mean that I won’t be one of the recipients of an email which begins “Gents,”
July 28th, 2006 at 10:46 am
“while you were in the room” (my emphasis). ”
Tokenism/sexism/whatever is not that he said it, and it’s not that he should have waited for you to ‘take you leave’ before saying it, but it’s that it was an issue to him to begin with.
I’d hate to think that he thought it, didn’t say it, and was somehow congratulated for being a defender of equality or something.
For me, it’s less about the behaviour and more about the thought processes that lead to the variety of behaviours that follow.
Interesting story Dan (from someone who thought you & Phil were brothers for quite a while!
)
July 28th, 2006 at 10:58 am
I’ve got a file at the moment where the other side keeps sending me letters beginning “Dear Sirs”, even though it’s clearly addressed up the top to “Miss”. Grrr.
My practice group is in a VERY testosterone-laden area, and we number 8 and 5 of us are women.
My female colleagues and I have our designated “intimidating outfits”, involving black and pearls (mine don’t look as intimidating as the partner’s, I’m afraid).
July 28th, 2006 at 11:20 am
Are pearls meant to be intimidating? Hmmm… maybe Nan was expecting that I’d pay more attention to what she was saying…
July 28th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
I have to say they look very lawyerly when wearing a black suit!
Or maybe that’s just ‘cos everything else in my wardrobe is a bit quirky…my firm’s pretty cool with its dress code. I mean we still wear corporate clothing, but there’s a few of us young ‘uns with nose studs, purple hair…The only comment I’ve ever had from ANYONE about my nose stud was from a senior member of the judiciary, but we won’t go into that in a public space…
July 28th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Idiot, never let the enemy know what you are really thinking!!!
the rev
July 28th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
heh heh…you couldn’t afford to be my client Rev (heck, *I* couldn’t afford to be my client…)
July 28th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
that means that you don’t need to worry about me giving away anything to the enemy, btw!!
I should say I’m not above playing up the petite, innocent, young female thing. It’s amazing how you can use it to your advantage…
July 28th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I think the rev was referring to the guy who said he wished he could storm out crying…unless you believe rev was calling you an idiot?
July 28th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
i thought so!!
dan, i bet you don’t get propositioned by your clients on a regular basis.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
“Testosterone laden mood” - can you elaborate?. Does it bear any resemblance to “oestrogen / progesterone induced irrationality”. Please enlighten.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
“Dan, i bet you don’t get propositioned by your clients on a regular basis”
Well. I think Dan is sexy!!!
July 28th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Roger it is something more than simply having more men than women involved in something. And the testosterone laden mood is the exception, I find, rather than the rule. It is just my inadequate description of the feeling in a particular room full of accountants and lawyers the other day. It amused me that the swearing, swaggering tough guy persona was the one adopted by a bunch of white collar financiers and accountants.
July 28th, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Phil, it sounds like you are barracking for me to be propositioned by my clients. Actually, some of my clients would be more able to keep me in the manner which I deserve… Hmmm…
July 28th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
LOL. Phil I didn’t mean it like that - I was suggesting her clients had more class than some of mine!
July 28th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
oh…and I never used to swear…it’s a bad habit I picked up working in law firms!
July 28th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
I meant the guy that was Dan’s client was an idiot.
the rev
July 30th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
I have to feel alot more comfortable than the average client with you to make such a comment around you Dan (referencing the original crying comment).
Good thing I do feel that comfortable around you
July 30th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Real men don’t cry, LovesTha.
July 30th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
that is true, though sometimes when they are really working hard their eyes might sweat.
Pie is a good meal for a real man though, as long as its not one of those veggie pies.
rev
July 31st, 2006 at 11:49 am
and as long as it is associated with some form of sport or beer
grunt grunt, scratch scratch, bottom cough bottom cough
July 31st, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Wait a minute… “Dan” is a… WOMAN!?
I’m never reading this blog again!
*storms out…*
*…in tears*
July 31st, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Yes Danielle is a woman, the worst part is she is smarter than us.
But I can take her in a fair fight.
rev
August 1st, 2006 at 7:59 am
I thourght we’d established that there is no such thing as a fair fight with a girl. If you win your a girl basher, if you loose you got beaten by a girl.
August 1st, 2006 at 8:31 am
yes thats true, but I am willing to be a girl basher, thats very manly
rev
August 1st, 2006 at 8:55 am
only if you get and AVO and then break it straight away!
August 1st, 2006 at 8:59 am
Real men make sense when they type.
rev
August 1st, 2006 at 4:19 pm
only if you get an AVO placed on you by a court and then break it immediately. Is that better Mr pedant?
August 1st, 2006 at 4:21 pm
This was sent to me by someone else in an ‘e’ group I belong to: I thought it was crappy emotional junk - but the girls in the group liked it
August 1st, 2006 at 6:21 pm
Definitely better than the powerpoint presentation doing the rounds of my housemates’ church. It makes women sound like complete angels, never getting angry, never snapping…and backed by soppy Sarah MacLachlan (I like Sarah MacLachlan…just not over pictures of puppies and greeting-card descriptions of women). Bleugh!!
August 1st, 2006 at 6:24 pm
A strong woman gets oppressed by a strong man
but a woman of strength sees it as her proper place in creation.
rev