Recovering From Spiritual Abuse Within The Christian Church
The following execllent link was sent to me by a contact within Hillsong. “SPIRITUAL ABUSE WITHIN THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH: THE DAMAGE IT DOES AND HOW TO AID IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS” The paper was prepared for a course on Counselling the Abused. I have read it and found it both relevant, insightful and useful. The author, Linda Strain expresses concern:
“When the tactics of spiritual abuse and the damage that it inflicts are discussed, this question will be even more pressing. The simple answer concerning pastors is that there is a lust for power in the hearts of many in Christian leadership. Combine this with deep insecurity, a need for control and deep pride, and the formula is there for an abusive leadership to emerge. Jesus warned his disciples against this type of leadership right after the mother of James and John asked for a place of honor for her sons in the Kingdom: “Jesus called them together and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.” Peter also warned pastors not to “…lord it over those entrusted to you…” but rather to be examples.[i][3] John spoke against a false leader named Diotrephes, who loved to be first, and set himself up with false authority.[ii][4] While today we understand that there may be both deep psychological needs as well as deep sins in such authoritarian leaders, the problem is not a new phenomenon. God said through Jeremiah “A horrible and shocking thing has happened in this land - the prophets give false prophecies, and the priests rule with an iron hand, and worse yet, my people like it that way!”[iii][5]. The greater questions are how is such an abusive leader able to maintain his power and destructive ways, and why do his followers blindly take part in their own destruction? Indeed, the followers become co-abusers with the leadership toward both themselves and toward any who would dare to think or act in ways that are prohibited by the group. This is the second part of the cultic ethos – “…And worse yet, my people like it that way!” How are lovers of Jesus made to be followers of a man and/or group, and break the two greatest commandments? Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments
For many who use this site - it’s worth a good read. Source: http://www.rjd268.com/spiritual_abuse.htm
August 27th, 2006 at 8:43 pm
W are told in the N/T we are to read the bible to ensure the leader is correct in his preaching.
If the preaching is haywire then his behaviour will be
August 27th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
Yes, you are right Homer.
However, when in the situtation of being surrounded by thousands of positive sounding people echoing “awesome” so every 2nd word that comes from the said leader, you do tend to doubt your own ability to hear God for yourself. You end up figuring that you must be wrong - even though your conscience & reading of scripture says otherwise.
As well, the error is always wrapped in a enough plausible truth to make you doubt yourself all the more.
August 27th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
It is also possible for a leader to be very orthodox and even “mainstream” in doctrine, yet abusive in personality style. The situation is subtler in mainstream churches because there are more likely to be checks and balances built into the system, but wherever gracelessness is built into the community ethos of a church (even though grace may be given wonderful lip service from the pulpit) abuse and distorted relationships will follow. wherever a church cares more about its reputation (for teaching, or mission or evangelism or whatever its strength may be) than it does about being a company of sinners gathered at Jesus’ feet in love and gratitude — abuse will follow, and the mind games can be very hard to identify when everything sounds biblical on the surface.
But I agree — wonky preaching almost guarantees appalling practice ..
August 27th, 2006 at 11:05 pm
As someone who suffered deeply in the Hillsong church and one of it’s spawn churches. My two cents are as thus— for me, the deepest wound that I accrued in my time wasn’t based on correct or incorrect teachings from the pulpit. It was the impersonalism.
To serve a pastor without pay, to do his wife’s shopping, pick up the dry cleaning, run errands for many hours a week on top of fulltime college and a part time secular job– with zero thanks and a warning hanging over your head that said.. “You’re *so* fortunate to be able to do this for me, just remember there is always 5-6 other people waiting in line for you to screw up so they can have your privilege”
My story gets much worse, it’s taken ten years for me to even touch a bible.
August 28th, 2006 at 5:41 am
Dear DaisyP.. were you at H/S when I was there?
August 28th, 2006 at 6:55 am
Hi Geoff, I was around during your time there, yes. I was just one of the countless disposable people in the eyes of that system. Used up, burned out, spat out, replaced and utterly rejected.
August 28th, 2006 at 8:38 am
DaisyP - I am so sorry. Everything you have described I know is true as I saw it happen to students & used to be speak out about it. Unfortunately I was usually quickly shut down, being a leader of little consequence in the system.
There are a number of us ex-H$ongers here & I am so glad you found us so that if nothing else, you realise that you are not alone.
You are also correct in that the manipulative line of “you’ll be replaced” was a biggie at H$. In the arts team, the mantra of “no-one is indispensable” was constantly re-iterated. You KNEW that the minute you disagreed with something or someone, got “offside” in any way, didn’t look positive at all times, didn’t smile enough on stage (not kidding here -people were fired for this), didn’t make yourself available for every rehearsal, service, leadership meeting, home fell etc etc - you would be dropped like a hotcake.
People were torn between their own desire to fit in with this “successful” team which was playing in large arenas, where the in-crowd were treated like rock stars, travelling the globe & living 5 star lifestyles with enormous royalties - and their fear of not making the grade, slipping up - or worse, turning 30 as you were nearing your “use by” date!
August 28th, 2006 at 9:39 am
Daisy P. as you’re courage allows, please tell us more, you will recieve nothing but support here & you’re identity will remain anonymous. You have the fredom of not being identified with your story.
Please unburden yourself of more details, it’s very important that people know…..
August 28th, 2006 at 9:52 am
Jane — yep, the insecurity of walking around knowing that the future you invested yourself in so deeply, hung so purely on being on “the in”. So, to mask this insecurity and in vain attempts to secure my place, I did everything, burning myself out to an emotionless shell.
There are so many aspects of being part of this environment that are wounding. I think the most disgusting element of all is when you start to think that perhaps God Himself thinks of me the same way that a certain leader/s do. Because suddenly if a leaders mood changes towards you, his whole sphere of influence starts to emmulate this attitude.
I am truly sorry for my own adoption of this attitude that would tell people to “get over it” “get a life” and all of those cheap and dirty dismissives that are thrown around over there. I became as graceless as those I looked up to.
I went in with dreams, unjaded with the passion of youth… heartfelt dreams of serving God. Then I left, too ashamed to lift my hands to God in the safe place of my bedroom. I felt beyond broken and like failure, not only to others, but to myself and worst of all — to God.
I’m so grateful to read your validation of my experiences. It’s hard when so many people are just having such a deliciously lovely experience in church life.. and you walk around with the dead weight of your own abusive one.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:07 am
LOL “or worse, turning 30 as you were nearing your “use by” date! ” …
What people now know is Hill$ong is actually the city in the film “Logan’s Run”…?
August 28th, 2006 at 10:12 am
DP - I think the classic college line used against dissenters was “you’ve got an attitude”, and like you, I’ve had to repent of the times I also perpetrated the system that I abhorred- yet was also trying so desperately to earn approval from.
The biggest key to surviving the entire experience -in my humble opinion- is to separate it from God. They (H$) & Christianity are not one & the same, and I thank God that I had a faith prior to entering H$. Those that supposedly “get saved in the house” then fall away are far worse off.
In general, they (particularly the young ones) have simply bought into a shining, happy culture & when they burn out, get a bit jaded or are discarded for the next batch of eager young things- there is no real substance of faith remaining to sustain them.
Would love to talk more if you like. You can email me on writergirl369@hotmail.com
There’s plenty of us out here, going on for God DESPITE our experiences at H$ rather than BECAUSE of our time there.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:32 am
Let’s inject some CCC into the equation,
I have witnessed that at CCC, (Wiggy will attest) one of the heirarchial “nods” that a young twenty or thirty-something couple can get that they will be rising in the social ranks (& from what i could see, it was ALWAYS young married couples) is that they will be called up on stage to passionately pray for Phil & Chris Pringle at a service. This is considered & honour & an indicator of your social status in the church…….& is also one of the most contrived & pretenscious things i’ve ever seen.
It’s like they all have to try & outdo each other with how long & passionate they can pray for the Senior Pastors in strained, emotional tones.
Also, i recall in the early to mid nineties alot of the paid Pastors & several wannabe’s were in involved in Herbalife Pyramid selling through the Church. This was also considered a social status indicator as well as business success indicator & was all about “who you were under & working for”. It also fitted in with the Churches eat healthy & look healthy “successful image”.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Ah Lionfish - Logan’s Run what a great similarity you have drawn between the ‘cult classic’ tv show and the ‘classic cult’ H$.
August 28th, 2006 at 11:00 am
You know DP,
You are so nnot alone, & the internet (like here) is your best weapon
Young idealists are taken & spiritually used & psycholgically raped all the time & not just through Christian Churches,
Just now i have recieved an email from a work colleague inviting me to attend an information session about something she’s involved in called “The Landmark Education Forum” my alarm bells rang & i Googled it before replying, turns out it’s a positivity - brainwashing course that was originally called EST in the 60’s & whose founder had originally been involved in Scientology. When i replied with “no thanks” i was given the impression i was being presumptuous & boerderline ignorant.
Months ago, a trusted Yoga Teacher tried to recruit me to an intensified breathing course called “The Art Of Living”. So i go home & google it, guess what? it’s run by a guru called “Sri Sri Ravi Shankar” whom has been accused of all sorts of things!
Both are identified by cultwatch websites as controlling & money-making.
Years ago again, i attended a “free” community meditation course run from a Council Library. They were called the “Brahma Kumaris” & the waited right until the very end of the course (8 wks / 1 night a week) to claim that an Indian woman (their current leader) was the most recent incarnation of Jesus Christ!
& don’t get me started on Bahai’s, whom claim (to get people in) that they respect & include all faiths & creeds, but completely disregard & disrespect every other belief system but their own once you’re involved!
This is not a Christian thing. It about power & opportunism, It’s about taking avdantage of impressionable, young & naiive people desperate to belong & to know & feel more than they do.
And it happens everywhere.
August 28th, 2006 at 11:44 am
Reve — Thank you for your encouragement. It’s taken me a lot to disclose events and experiences, especially when I’ve been so conditioned to some sort of “godly” loyalty, you know, “touch not God’s annointed” and all that stuff. Don’t be a “murmurer” — all biblical, but quite convenient really! Plus there is the added sting of being hurt, by people you actually incredibly admired in the faith. It’s hard, but I do think that it’s a necessary thing to come out of the closet, and to speak my truths.
Jane– Yes, the “you have an attitude” the classic line! Agreed, it helps to know that HS and Christianity aren’t one and the same, but sadly.. I got that confused at some point.
I’m not anti-HS. I think some of the doctrines are dodgy at best, but then again.. I went to bible college, what do I know of theology? *wink* I know that a helluva lot of people get a lot out of it and I hope they continue to. I’m not bitter or negative in any form, I’m just someone trying to heal.
August 28th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
hello all
i’m going to risk divergence here
i don’t minimise DaisyPetals’ story but i think there is some dangerously convergent thinking here in the “Hillsong is a cult” meme
one specific concern i is about how this post is introduced - it effectively headlines the article with a reference to Hillsong
“The following execllent link was sent to me by a contact within Hillsong”.
However the article itself is orientated around
“a certain Reformed denomination; a creedal group” the author met in college from 1973 to 1977 which does not sound like Hillsong or its antecedents (would AOG churches be teaching on the “shallowness of the Fundamentalist culture” or selling Puritan books in a small bookstore)
so, while the link might have been sent from someone in Hillsong, reporting that conjunction, adds no useful information, but is suggestive of a true link between the article and Hillsong. For those who see Hillsong as abusive, the general sugestion might further confirm their impression.
now the risk of abusive leaders aside - and show me church that is free of that risk! - Hillsong (or Hill$ong as it is typed here) is not an evil cult
it is an imperfect church
no doubt devestatingly imperfect in some people’s experience
but tremendously empowering and releasing for others
with friends from few different denominations, we used to visit the Hillsong conference - which was invariably a time of growth and impact
(one of the most impacting experiences sessions for me at Hillsong was hearing Jim Thwaites - church beyonf the congregation :
http://www.christianitymagazine.co.uk/engine.cfm?i=92&id=62&arch=1 )
(i’ve attended AOG churches, large and tiny and in between, for about 18 years, since late uni days - but always retained a critical perspective; this is possible
i’ve seen flaws, of course
but then i’ve worked in catholic schools for a long time, and seen flaws there
and am now in the nice middle ground incarnationational, mDNA, buzz word compatible, vineyard church
guess what — still a flawed system with fallen human beings
August 28th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Rob, i’m inclined to agree,
I’ve seen the same type of power abuse in various Christian settings,
This is not a church thing, this a “type of leader” thing.
And BH may not be a cult leader, i don’t even think he’s that complex, what he is is a Property Developer/Driven Salesman who would have an equivalent role in the Corporate/Secular Sector but saw an opprtuniity for a legit tax rort.
He’s not even that convicting as a speaker, he just understands marketing & status anxiety amongst aspirationals & how to manipulate that fear.
August 28th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Rob– my apologies, if what I shared implicated that HS was a cult or something of the sort. Despite, what I experienced I recognise that it is a blessing for a great number of people… on that note I think I will leave it at that. My aplogies, if I derailed the discussion.
August 28th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
The stupidist thing anyone could do was to think it was a legitimate church, it’s not, it’s a family corporation in the business of marketing human potential / positive thinking training recources (books, CD’s & Conferences). It’s Anthony Robbins with a musical edge.
That’s it!
August 28th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
If Anthony Robbins decided to take a band of young musicians on the road with him & marketed his music alongside his motivational seminars, the effect will be absolutely the same!
The relevance of the real God is secondary to modern marketing techniques that work across the Secular / Christian divide!
August 28th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
DP - please do not ever aplogise for simply telling your story.
Rob, if you look at this definition: http://www.cultwatch.com/cults.html
H$ do - in MY opinion meet the criterea of being “cultish” in their methodology. My opinion is formed after spending nearly 15 years in the greater H$ network - over 13 of those as a leader , with a number as H$ staff. I have met & talked with numerous ex-staffers & attendees now, -all of whom share distressing tales of being used & abused by this “positive, caring” institution.
This is also discussion that has taken place elsewhere on Signposts some time back (Lionfish? Lance? Wiggy - anyone remember the posts?).
You referred to your own experiences at the conferences, may I point out that the conferences are not a true representation of the organisation. For instance, the author you mentioned even said to me many years back that his mission there was”subversion” to the abusive practises going on. Funny that you were inspired by the least “likeminded” speaker there.
In fact, I think this was one of the first discussions I ever had on Signposts- that someone who attends a conference should be wary about endorsing an entire organisation. You are not in possession of all the facts & quite frankly, all it does is cause the victims of the place to clam up once more in their isolation.
You are right though in that every church has its issues & H$ is not alone in that. You will note however, that this thread is specifically referring to this organisation & you are free to set up similar threads for other denominations should you wish. Obviously though, the danger of this particular organisation is that is unashameably desiring “influence” amongst other churches & society in general.
This is not an attack Rob, but hopefully an explanation behind the discussion going on here.
August 28th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Jane would you agree that the lack of culpability or responsibility of these type of institutions tends to denegrate - to the point of invalidating the real issues suffered by those - servants the institutions abused. How can one hope to try and recover from this when the perpetrators do not admit wrong doing and in fact do the opposite of then blaming the sufferer.
False doctrine comes from false teachers.
Hill$ong (along with many clones) have quite a number of woolly blankets.
August 28th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
AWB must be OK too..because….I….ummm…ate some nice wheat once.
The logic of Hill$ongers baffles me.
August 28th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Rob I disagree strongly with this statement “Hillsong is not an evil cult, it is an imperfect church no doubt devestatingly imperfect in some people’s experience…”
Rob, Hillsong carries all the qualifying traits of a cult - did you even check out the link LionFish posted? Please Rob, don’t try and water this down, call a spade a spade. Hillsong is most def a cult, it’s that simple.
Reve, yes the praying for the pastor business, it’s very much seen as a nod in the right direction for the person doing it. What’s hilarious is that Phil Pringle’s book on leadership (titled “You the Leader”) has an entire chapter where he’s talking about how destructive polotics and ladder climbing is within an organization. It’s just such pure hypocrisy though because brown-nosing and ass-munching are applauded and smiled upon.
WIGGY
August 28th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Dear Daisy. My heart sank when I read your posts. They are just the tip of the iceberg and, like Jane, Singer, myself and thousands of others, the struggle to redefine ourselves and our spirituality goes on and on and on.
I wish I could find the words to completely express my profound sense of sorrow for all that you have experienced. How i wish that Hillsong would cease it’s constant self justifications and sit on the sit of the ‘graced’.. those who have no defences left, no justifications, no power or prominence, just the relief that if one thing is left it is the love God expressed in grace.
What happened to you at HS was so wrong. It was elitist and abusive. You must never blame yourself. The bible college students pay for this abuse. They sacrifce for this abuse and when they graduate, they find themselves with credentials that only remain effective if they accept the further abuse of being a lowly paid servant in the system… that is of course if they get paid at all. The great tragedy is that Brian does not listen to the cries of the victims. He cannot even contenance a shred of doubt in his methodology. He only allows himself, and is allowed, to listen to those who continue to prop him up. In essence the church exists on the “spin” that is constantly fed to the senoir leadership. They are completely out of touch. This is doubly tragic for them and I feel deep emotion for the Houstons. They cannot come to grips with their falsehood. Their underlings will not allow it. Their peers are stuck in the same rut. They are protected from seeing the collateral damage that flows from the underbelly of the empire. I fear that they will not see the consequences coming their way.. a little like the approaching oil crisis… management is continually fed an ego inducing diet of “Kingdom conforming blah blah.” In essence, the system that they built and then is cemented underneath them renders them deaf, dumb and blind to the truth. No one is game enough to look reality in the face.
Daisy, I am unchurched and loving it. I am finding healing in solitude. I am unorthodox. I am finding truth outside all the squares. Let no one tell you that faith must be ratified in actions. Do not look for affirmation from those that question your reactions.. just let yourself be loved and affirmed by those who really know you.
August 28th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Geoff,
Thankyou for your consistent humility. Your ability to say sorry for whatever part you feel you played in the Hillsong story. Consider it one of the blessings of grace that God has given you. In the truest sense you have been blessed to be a blessing.
Daisy P,
You have a similar story to so many who come here. Some pass through on their way to healing, some stay awhile and some come back for visits every so often. Whatever you do keep the bitterness at bay and remember when the anger builds that
“Your worst days are never as bad that you are byond the reach of God’s grace. And you best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.” Jerry Bridges
I’ve been wanting to quote that one for a while I think it somes up the grace thing.
August 28th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
sums up - I’m being pedantic and it;s one of my worst qulaities - considering te history of my lack of proof reading prior to posting on this site!
August 28th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
# 25 & 26 Geoff & Grace - ever so eloquent in expressing the sentiments I want to say!
# 24 Wiggy - endorse your comment 100%
# 22 Veritas : “How can one hope to try and recover from this when the perpetrators do not admit wrong doing and in fact do the opposite of then blaming the sufferer.” Yes - you are so right. Part of the healing for me has been finding others brave enough to speak out, which validated what happened to me as people in the system simply don’t want to know, nor acknowlege.
Reconnecting with Geoff has certainly been a major part of this process for me. I also quickly try to validate visitors with similar stories like DP as it is hard enough dealing ith the pain, let alone being isolated & being “blamed” for the pain - akin to a domestic abuse victim.
Love your website by the way & nicked one of your sidebar quotes recently!
August 28th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
a mental error or a typo?…. mental error
August 28th, 2006 at 9:29 pm
Daisy,
Welcome to the rabble. I hope you stick around!
I too am an ex Hill$onger/Student/Leader etc I won’t bore you with my story here, (It appears in dribs and drabs all over this blog)
Something has been mulling around in the vacuum called my mind…has anyone considered collating all of the testimonies of all of the people who have been abused by Hill$ong, CCC, Revenue, Paradi$e etc? Like Jane and others, I draw great comfort from hearing that I am not alone. Also, if such a document were published, it would form an essential part of church history in Australia. Not to mention an interesting “4 Corners” type catalyst to change….
Lance, are you not a journalist by trade?